Friday, November 26, 2010

There's more things to worry about out there...

Oh sure, if you're like me and Flint, you spend every spare moment worrying about the coming Zombigeddon and making sure you're prepared for it.

But we need to consider that the walking dead are not the only possible threat we face. One group of intrepid documentarians in Norway recently released their hard-earned footage of a threat unique to their environment: Trolls.

Folks, I don't know about you, but this concerns me. I don't think the manportable firepower I cache against the unholy resurrection of the corpses of my friends, relatives, and fellow citizens would even begin to dent one of those monstrosities. What do I need to stash? An RPG? A recoilless rifle? LAW rockets?

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Sharpen Yer Aim!

Tactical Tailor has a set of three different zombie themed targets for you to practice your firearm skills. Remember, only head shots count!

Check out all the great tactical gear available at that website too! You need something to haul all your food, ammo, water and medical supplies.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Zombie Awareness -- An Educational Film

Remember those awesome instructional films you saw in Hygiene class or Driver's Ed? You ever wonder why they don't have films like that on really important topics, like zombie survival? Guess what? They do have them!

Zombie Awareness -- An Educational Film

When Zombies Attack (1959)

What to do in a Zombie Attack!

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Zombie Safe Houses

A tip of the hat to the Science Fiction blog, io9, for informing us about the 2010 Architect Southwest Zombie Safe House Design Competition. Unfortunately, that informing came too late for Flint to enter the designs he's been doodling on the napkins on Sunday mornings when we get our coffee and eggs at the diner. (He has a thing for this hot Latina chica.)

You can go to the Zombie Safe House link and vote if you hurry. We dig the Huckleberry (hint hint).

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Mythbusting 101: The Utility of Martial Arts

A well-meaning -- but obviously naive -- young friend of mine wears a t-shirt with the logo "Jiu-Jitsu Kills Zombies."

This is dangerously wrong and will get you killed.

Jiu-jitsu is an awesome martial art against mortal opponents, but there is nothing in the arsenal that will handle the Undead menace. Zombies do not feel pain. They do not need air. And they will still keep coming after you on shattered joints.

Worst of all, Jiu-Jitsu requires the expert to close with and grapple the zombie. This is exactly where the zombie wants you: close, where his teeth and claws can do their damage. And let's not forget that this will mean prolonged exposure to the zombie's bodily fluids, which may infect you. We certainly shouldn't forget that getting caught on the ground with a zombie is a recipe for disaster when his friends stumble onto the scene.

I was trapped in a bar once by some dork who talked my ear off about how his Ninjutsu was awesome and most certainly zombie proof. Please. Ninjutsu? This isn't Naruto, you mouth-breather. Smoke bombs and hiding in the trees isn't going to help you one bit against zombies. Although I admit all bets are off if ninjas face off against zombie pirates.
Ninjas may be able to hug tree limbs for hours, but time means nothing to the Undead. They'll just mill about the roots of the tree until your mom calls you home for dinner. And what ninja doesn't still live in his mom's basement?

So what martial art does work against the walking dead? Have you seen the Filipino Martial Arts? Variously called escrima, arnis, or kali, Filipino Martial Arts start the new student using two foot long sticks. But those sticks are representations of -- and soon replaced by -- giant jungle knives! You'll quickly learn moves that will help you lop off limbs, eviscerate corpses so they trip over their own guts, and stop 'em cold with decapitations or bisected brains.
Going hand-to-hand with the shambling hordes is unwise. Wrestling around with them is suicidal. Unless you're Chuck Norris, I strongly advise you to use weapons and learn to use them correctly.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Basic Necessities: The MForgery

Gil Mudskipper checking in with y'all again.

It occurred to Flint and me that we hadn't really said this: You need a rifle. And you need a good rifle.

So we both heartily recommend an MForgery. That's right, you should get some make of the AR15 carbine. This is the same weapon that has soldiered with our finest fighting forces since Vietnam. And today, you can custom build a Black Rifle in countless combinations.

Parts are everywhere. And although ammo is a little expensive since the government is using it up at a prodigious rate killing terrorists on your behalf overseas, I expect that .223 and 5.56mm ammo will be relatively easy to come by in the aftermath of the rise of the walking dead. It's in use with just about every police department and federal law enforcement or military service around.
Same for spare parts. These things should be practically littering the streets following the first attempts of the government to stem the rising tide of brain-eaters.
You should try to stockpile some key spares in advance, like firing pins and extra magazines. Like the spiffy PMAGS from Magpul. Sweet. Investing in optics can't hurt either. Remember, it's a lot easier to score head shots in video games than real life. Putting the red dot over the shambler's forehead makes it easy for you to be sure.
You just need to keep your rifle clean after every use and it will serve you reliably.

Some people will advocate for the AK47. That's a mighty fine weapon too. But it was made by communists, son. And the only thing worse than a communist is a zombie. And only by a little. After all, both are godless beings.
Still, beggars can't be choosers, and if your budget or circumstances only permit you to have an AK47, there are worse things. After all, it's not the AK47's fault it was designed by an atheist communist. It -- like you, zombie hunter -- is merely a blunt instrument.