Thursday, March 31, 2011

101 Posts!

That's right, folks. This is the 101st post this month! Can we keep pace in April?

Forgotten History: Nazi Dinosaurs

A sadly forgotten chapter of history -- much like the 1939 incident at Grover's Mill, New Jersey -- was the Nazi plan to unleash living dinosaurs on the Allies in the waning days of World War II. Abwehr operatives smuggled dinosaur blood out of insect amber samples from Scandinavia and SS scientists immediately started work on reconstructing the thunder lizards. Fortunately, their work was hindered by the fact DNA was not understood at the time. There were other efforts to procure a living dinosaur from the jungles of Africa, but the small units of soldiers sent into the Congo were never heard from again. Whether that was due to the harsh environment, Allied forces, or the dinosaurs themselves is unknown. Allied intelligence caught wind of these unusual activities, and efforts were made to stop the threat. A small sampling of morale-boosting posters was made in conjunction with military contractors. Fortunately, they were never needed and most were destroyed following the war. Above is the image of one of these rare artifacts.

Gear Pr0n: Suite Success

Mini Chest rig to carry your primary's spare mags, blowout kit, quick access secondary spare mags and a dumpbag. The war belt carries more secondary mags, another dump bag, a sturdy knife (looks like an Ontario Knives RAT to me), and a drop holster for the Glock -- note the lanyard attaching the pistol to the belt. It looks like a flashlight or magazine is in a pouch attached to the holster. As you can probably tell by now, there are certain constants in the rigs. But the execution still varies pretty widely. Recently I heard an excellent argument for moving the holster up onto the hip: less weight on your legs means you can run and jump more easily. Holsters started dropping onto the thigh again back in the 80's to help them clear body armor. Now we have chest rigs even in the absence of body armor. Rigs are a constant trade-off of requirements. You need to think about your needs. Which is why we have the Gear Pr0n feature in the first place -- to present you with other people's solutions to help you consider your own.

Mysterious Planet: Lake Monsters!

Strange sightings are reported in lakes throughout the Northern Hemisphere. What are these creatures? Are they flesh and blood, or phantasms? Are they mutant eels or prehistoric survivors? And most importantly, do they taste good with tartar sauce?

Lost Tapes Werewolf Part 2

FMA Week: Human Weapon part 4

Jason Chambers and Bill Duff are finding out why the Japanese soldiers feared the Filipinos in jungle warfare -- and so will zombies!

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Lost Tapes Werewolf

A police case takes an unexpected twist...

Found Footage: Trapped with a Revenant

Smuggled to me out of Spain. There was no word about the fate of couple in the film.

FMA Week: Human Weapon Part 3

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Gear Pr0n: Silent but Deadly

Camo-scheme M4 with a tactical light and suppressor. Backed-up with a Glock pistol featuring an extended magazine and a light, and also a silenced Walther P99. It's hard to tell from the picture, but this might be a .22 clone rather than the original in 9mm. That's a fine piece for quietly clearing out a dwelling. Finally, there's a demo tool that combines a prybar, hammer, wrench, and spike. Perfect for opening locked areas. (Be careful with that though! There might be a good reason it was locked.) Or even for caving in skulls.

Mothman short

Freaky. Some say the mothman is an omen of doom. Others say he is a warning.

Man-Sized Firepower

John Browning was the engineering genius behind several of the greatest guns of the 20th Century. His M1911 is one hundred years old this year and still soldiering on in Afghanistan -- maybe even in Libya. The same goes for his M2 .50 Machine Gun. His other classics, such as the .30 Browning Automatic Rifle and the 9mm Browning Hi-Power pistol have been pulled from front-line inventories after decades of service. Though those who handle the weapons still grow fond of them.

One such weapon in this last category is the M1919 .30 machine gun. This machine gun is a classic that served the United States on nearly every battlefield of WWII and on into the Korean Conflict. It even made appearances in Vietnam in the hands of the South Vietnamese army and mounted on various trucks and jeeps of the US forces.

This thing is a real beast, and just because it's old doesn't mean it isn't up for anti-zombie duty today. Especially if you have no respect for venerable history like that and have it chopped down into a shoulder fired variant. Watch out, Undead; John Browning was ready for you a century ago!

FMA Week: Human Weapon Escrima Part 2

Monday, March 28, 2011

The Zombie Autopsies

Published as a work of fiction to scoot under the radar of the authorities, this book reveals much about the "biological" functions of zombies. It's important to have a detailed understanding of your adversary in order to exploit weaknesses. The author firmly believes that it is possible to beat a zombie outbreak if we use our brains for something other than food for the Zeds.

Filipino Martial Arts Week!

As I explained previously, the best martial art for zombiggeddon is a weapon-based art. Forget going hand-to-hand with the walking dead, you need a keen blade or stout stick. Filipino Martial Arts (FMA) are awesome for this role.

Here's part of the Human Weapon episode on covering "escrima" which is used as a catch-all term for FMA. Don't think training with sticks is second best; those sticks stand-in for machetes, bolos, and other large jungle knives. So this episode will provide an overview on why FMA are tailor-made for zombie eradication.


In Search Of... Voodoo Part 3

Concluding the investigation into Voodoo and the link to zombies.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Gear Pr0n: A-TACS

This gentleman is outfitted in the latest camouflage sensation to hit the market: A-TACS pattern.

In Search Of... Voodoo Part 2

Scientific Basis for the Zombie Apocalypse

These scientists explain in excruciating detail how the zombie apocalypse will happen!

Musical Interlude: Everybody (Backstreet's Back!)

The Backstreet Boys provided this homage to classic monsters.

Sorry. But at least the backup dancers are nice to look at.

Saturday, March 26, 2011


Flint just got back from the taxidermist with this: a genuine werewolf head mounted on a plaque. This is going up in his man-cave tomorrow!

Flint and I managed to catch this beastie during the last full moon. Given the unusual nature of the Perigean Full Moon last weekend, we went out packing a little more firepower than usual. We carried .50 Beowulf rifles.

That's right: Beowulf. Tell me that isn't badass sounding? Guaranteed to bring down something like a werewolf.

Here's a video of a guy using his Beowulf on some leftover plumbing fixtures:

That's right folks; the .50 Beowulf assault rifle.

Solomon Kane Preview

Solomon Kane was a Puritan who lived during the Elizabethan Era and was renowned for pitting his Faith and swordarm against various monsters. A bio-pic starring James Purefoy was recently released in England and the continent about this legendary defender against the dark. But was it released here in the States? No.

But the DVD has become available here. It's an awesome look back at one of the greatest monster hunters who ever lived.

Zombie Hunter Babe

I don't normally recommend short-shorts for zombie hunting. But then most zombie hunters don't have a body like this one.
Still, she needs a proper holster for that Glock. It's just going to fall out and get lost.

In Search Of... Voodoo Part 1

In Search Of... looks into the mysteries and legends surrounding Voodoo.

Mad Minute

The so-called "Mythbusters" and I don't always see eye-to-eye. But they sure are fun. They blow stuff up, shoot things, and sometimes even get stabby-stabby. Take this video in which they try various machine guns to chop down a tree. It's good to know if these things can work in my line of work. They weren't able to make it work until they turned to the GE 7.62mm Minigun. Imagine, if you can, spitting 50 rounds per second at an on-coming horde of zombies. Something like this can put the hurt on creatures that otherwise are unaffected by mundane weapons; 50 rounds per second dumps tremendous energy into a body and can overtax even a healing factor.

True Horror Werewolves Part 6

That should finish the English, French, and Swedish.

Friday, March 25, 2011


I occasionally get reports about buildings that have been quarantined by the government for short periods of time. No two stories are the same so it's hard to tell what might be happening. For all I know it could be an especially nasty infestation of mutant bed bugs:

But I suspect something more is happening. Anyway, one of my sources sent me this previously confiscated and embargoed footage which was somehow liberated from a government records warehouse:

Gear Pr0n: Dark Earth

Eagle Low-Vis Plate Carrier paired with a chest rig (TAG, maybe?). M4 with PMAGs, a Strider knife, and the gunfighter's favorite: an M1911A1.

Note the infrared (IR) reflective patches on the chest: a patriotic American flag, blood type, and NKDA, or "No Known Drug Allegies."

Chainsaw Week: "That's Gotta Hurt."

Not for the squeamish or those with weak stomachs.

True Horror Werewolves Part 5

In glorious Received Pronunciation sprinkled with French and Swedish.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Signs! Signs! Everywhere is Signs!

True Horror Werewolves Part 4

With even more French and Swedish thrown in with the English accent goodness!

Chainsaw Week: Twofer

You're getting two today because I've got an extra one and it's... well, pretty special.

Plus, this first one fits our theme, but is all about the tease...

Whereas this one is all about the payoff...

And sets up tomorrow's installment wonderfully.

** Special Note: I would not let my six-year-old watch the second one of these. In other words -- viewer discretion is advised.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Gear Pr0n: Daily Dose

Nothing fancy here... Just your standard M4 in beautiful Magpul furniture, with a full-sized Glock pistol with light. The load carrying equipment is understated in OD or Ranger Green (it's hard to tell the difference here). This guy (or gal) has his bases covered.

.45 KRISS Sub Machine Gun

This is the Kriss, a cutting edge sub machine gun design perfect for close quarters combat. It is small and lightweight. It packs a mean, mean punch being chambered in .45 ACP, and it's unique design controls recoil and muzzle jump. And it takes all the popular attachements -- especially the holographic -- or red dot -- sights and flashlights Flint and I like to use.

.45 ACP packs a wallop. Get hit by one round and you know you've been in a gunfight. Get hit by several in quick succession -- and you're in a world of hurt. I've seen a Thompson submachine gun nearly pulp a zombie... But I don't like to talk about that.

Chainsaw Week: Steampunk Chainsaw

I didn't think I'd see anything less useful than the chainsaw bayonet, but then I found this.

True Horror Werewolves Part 3

Still requires French or Swedish to understand every word -- but nevertheless, it's wonderfully done.

Russians Found Institute to Study the Siberian Yeti

I did not know this, but apparently Russia has about 30 scientists devoted to the study of the Yeti. And their working theory is that the Yeti is a Neanderthal survivor. They are establishing a university institute to study the creature.

This is the infamous "Snow Walker" film reportedly caught by two hikers in 1992 in Nepal.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Gear Pr0n: Night Stand

Night prowlers beware! This nightstand quickly converts into a shield and bludgeon. It's not a perfect solution, but it should do the job against a straggler or two. Against more than a handful of shamblers I would recommend going for a firearm.

This looks like it might benefit from some padding on the shield component.

Reported Infestation: Austin, Texas

Lots of garbled reports still coming in about this case... But apparently it was a hoax. Damn 4chan script kiddies.

Chainsaw Week! Ash

From the Ash Williams bio-pic, Evil Dead 2.

Ash is so damn badass.

True Horror Werewolves Part 2

Still with some French narration and Swedish subtitles...

Monday, March 21, 2011

Something for a Little Inspiration

"Nuke 'em from orbit. It's the only way to be sure."

Gear Pr0n: Sidearms for Friends and Family

There are enough pistols, knives, multitools, and flashlights to outfit an entire family of survivors. While I am a big fan of standardizing calibers in teams, there's something to be said for having a .22 target pistol handy. Maybe your Grandma or Kindergartner can't handle the kick of those Desert Eagles, but could easily place shots from the .22 pistol.

Chainsaw Week: Chainsaw Bayonet!

This week we celebrate the chainsaw!

I'm not sold on this particular tacticool attachment for my M4.

True Horror! Werewolves 1

Some French (and/or Swedish) may be necessary to fully appreciate this clip.

Part One of a British documentary on the history of the Werewolf.

Outbreak: Salt Lake City

This man -- nay, this hero -- stood up before the Salt Lake City council and outlined in no uncertain terms the need for zombie outbreak preparedness.

Did they listen? No.

And shortly thereafter...

(Hint: Watch behind the talking head newscasters through the studio windows.)

Fortunately this outbreak was contained and terminated.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Gear Pr0n: Antique Werewolf Hunting Kit 2

Oh, sure, Zombie Hunting is the mainline modern profession. But that wasn't the case in centuries past. Vampires and werewolves were the main business for Hunters and zombies and other revenants were the sideline. You'll note that both the werewolf kits I've shown are heavy on forensic equipment and academic study materials and light on weapons. That's because hunting an apex predator such as a werewolf took serious preparation. The weapons themselves were usually just modified standard firearms loaded with silver or other specialized ammunition.
What's been preserved are the unique tools of the trade.

The Secret Life of Werewolves

The BBC is awesome for serious documentaries on topics of interest to us.

Werewolf Transmogrification

No one -- to the best of my knowledge -- has yet captured an actual werewolf transmogrification on video. In that absence, we are left only with fictional representations.

I am presenting here two transmogrification that professional Lycanthropy experts have reviewed and deemed to be reasonably accurate:

The classic transmogrification from the movie, An American Werewolf in London.

And here is a newer version from the BBC series Being Human. This is an especially interesting one as it includes a blow-by-blow description of the progress of the transmogrification.

Musical Interlude: Werewolves of London

The late, great Warren Zevon sings his signature 70's hit.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

True Horror: Werewolf Preview

Gear Pr0n: Antique Werewolf Hunting Kit

Gear Pr0n: Silver Bullets

Hi Ho Silver!

Given tonight's unusual lunar activity, I hope you stocked up on silver bullets. Here's a short brief on what to look for:

Super Moon

You know, being a badass zombie hunter isn't all about shooting guns, throwing molotov cocktails, and surviving on cans of dog food after civilization eventually collapses. No, you have to know all kinds of stuff. People seem to think Flint and I are some kind of weird brand of redneck. That's hardly the truth. I have a college degree! And Flint... well, he's close.

It's not just about knowledge of zombies, which is a full-time job in itself. You have to be ready for other kinds of things that go bump in the night too. And that can get complicated. For instance, did you know this weekend will see a Perigean Full Moon? No? Well, watch out.

Of course, Flint and I keep tabs on the moon charts anyway to be ready for werewolf activity. But you don't just watch the phases chart, you have to watch the whole lunar movement. A Perigean Full Moon means the moon will be full during its closest approach to the Earth for the year. The combination of a full moon, perigee, and an optical illusion that makes all full moons look large on the horizon will make moonrise tonight more startling. The moon's diameter may appear to be 14 percent wider than when it is at it's furthest point away, or the apogee. If you've got clear skies, it may even be 30% brighter!

So what? Well, this can have a marked effect on werewolves (and any other creatures effected by the lunar cycle). They may become more violent, or retain more of their human intellect and become more cunning. Some people infected by mild forms of lycanthropy can show an increased inclination towards wolfishness. They may even undergo a full-on transformation, even if they do not usually experience such a thing.

Yeah, we're real stupid around here. It takes a lot of study to be successful in this job. You always have to be thinking.

Friday, March 18, 2011

Gear Pr0n: Be Prepared.

This guy is prepared.
Are you?

Defend Your Country...

The Master Key

What's better than an AR15? How about a semiautomatic shotgun? What's better than that? How about combining those things into one shooty death machine?

The idea of slinging a shotgun underneath a full-size assault rifle has been around since at least 1986. It was developed and used by actual elite Army units, like the 75th Ranger Regiment, who referred to it as the "Master Key."

It got its name because the intention was to use the shotgun as a breaching tool to blow doors off their hinges. Latching the shotgun on the rifle kept the tool out of the way and allowed a quick transition to the rifle for the breacher.

While breaching rounds aren't designed for antipersonnel use, I'm sure they hurt quite a bit. Not to mention that one of the great strengths of the shotgun is the ability to shoot a wide variety of nasty ammunition. Nothing is stopping a Master Key shotgun from feeding solid slugs or buckshot, or beehive shells. All of which can be quite useful when dealing with crowds of the undead in confined spaces.

Flamethrower Week: Finale!

Flamethrowers in Hollywood make you look badass. Even a young Kurt Russell gets to look macho burning Things-Man-was-never-meant-to-know-about to a crisp in this grotesque clip from John Carpenter's unforgettable movie, The Thing!

* Please note: This may not be suitable for viewers with heart conditions, delicate stomachs, or pregnant women. You might also wish to refrain from viewing this clip at work.

The flamethrower is so iconic from this movie that it will even appear in the now filming prequel.

Come on, baby. Light my fire!

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Leprechaun Webcam

An Irish tourism site has placed this helpful surveillance webcam overlooking a known leprechaun habitat.

Irish Lake Monsters

Scotland's Loch Ness gets all the publicity, but serious lake monster researchers know that there is a Northern Latitude "belt" that seems to have the majority of Lake Monster sightings. Other Scottish lochs have recorded sightings, as do lakes in Scandinavia, Russia, China, the United States, and Canada.

Ireland is no exception. Here is footage shot in 2009 by a researcher of an Irish lake that supposedly is home to such a beastie. (I'm linking because my uploads seem to be having problems.)

The Leprechauns are Coming!

The Irish brought some stowaways with them when they came across the Atlantic. And every now and then you hear reports of Leprechauns outside their native element.

I know most you grew up thinking of Leprechauns as vaguely amusing fussbudgets worried about kids stealing their lucky charms, but Mama Mudskipper came from a long line of Irish women and knew the old stories.

Leprechauns are nothing to laugh at. They can be mean and vindictive if provoked. Which is why the people in this video ought to show a little more respect if they don't want to end up on the wrong side of the rainbow.

The Leprechauns are Training.

Footage of a leprechaun in training to attack unsuspecting tourists in Ireland. Watch out!

This, BTW, is a perfect opportunity to use those Brazilian Jiu Jutsu skills that aren't so good against zombies.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Flamethrower Week: The Sands of Iwo Jima

US Marines used handheld and tank-mounted flamethrowers during the invasion of Iwo Jima, a sulfurous, pork chop-shaped island in the Pacific.

Mmmmmm... flamethrowers and tanks... No zombie horde could stand against me. But the gas mileage has to be terrible.

In Search Of... The Loch Ness Monster Part 3

The final installment of this classic expose.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Gear Pr0n: Go Minimalist!

Spare rifle mag, spare pistol mag, tourniquet, and gas grenade. What more do you need?

In Search Of... The Loch Ness Monster part 2

Flamethrower Week: WWII Demo

Flamethrowers saw their heyday during the Second World War, burning out pillboxes across the pacific. Contrary to popular belief, the majority of fatalities from flamethrowers came from consuming all the oxygen in enclosed spaces, not direct burns.

Most of our targets don't need oxygen, so plan for the direct approach.

Monday, March 14, 2011

In Search Of... The Loch Ness Monster! Part 1

"In Search Of..." was one of the classics. And everything sounded better -- or at least more logical -- when narrated by Leonard Nimoy. Here's part 1 of the episode explaining the Loch Ness Monster.

Flamethrower Week

We kick off Flamethrower Week!

Flamethrowers are fantastic for cleansing and burning hordes of the undead, giant mutant ants, vampires, witches... Well, just about anything. Very little stands up to the purifying power of open flame. But they remain special purpose appliances, and not part of your everyday kit.

Still, when the job calls for a flamethrower, very little else will suffice.

One problem is that you can't use flamethrowers inside enclosed structures because it's a major danger to you own self. The other problem is that flames don't act instantaneously. Douse a zombie in napalm and for the longest few seconds of your life you have the only thing worse than a zombie -- you have a zombie on fire! It'll keep shambling right toward you ablaze; at least until the heat starts making the tendons contract and the zombie collapses into a ball of charcoal.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Gear Pr0n: The Night Stalker

All the bases covered here: M4gery with red dot sight; Remington 870 shotgun. Both long arms are equipped with flashlights. A plate carrier hauls the spare ammo.

What stands out here is the helmet-mounted night vision goggles (sometimes referred to as NVGs, or Nods -- for "night observation device"). It takes some practice to get used to working with NVGs, and a little more practice to get used to shooting with them on. But it pays off when hunting zombies and other such creatures. They don't call them "things that go bump in the night" for nothing.

Pre-Taped EAS Message = Proof Government Officials are "Ready" for Z-Day!

But then... Can any of us truly be "ready" for the Rising? This was smuggled to me by a contact in the Department of Homeland Security at great personal risk.

Floating Humanoids Part 4

Part 4 of the eerie documentary on unidentified floating humanoids:

Customize Your Vehicle

Flint and I are always trying to advertise our services. The Yellow Pages aren't what they use to be. That's one reason we started this blog -- to get the word out about our ("good to go!") mad skills at slaying zombies!

Advertising is what it's all about.

Let the whole world know your passion is hunting zombies with these fine accessories for your robust 4x4 vehicle:

Musical Interlude: Living Dead Girl

Auteur and Horror Enthusiast, Rob Zombie, serenades us with his song, "Living Dead Girl" and provides us with his homage to creepy silent films.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Zombieland Rules #33: Swiss Army

I recommend Swiss Army knives in your Bug-out Bag. I like having a Leatherman multitool stashed in my Load Carrying Rig too.

Test the Limits: Shooting the Glock Underwater

It's good to know the limits of your equipment. You never know what strenuous conditions you'll be under when you need to use it. Combat is always a harsh environment, but slaying zombies has additional pressures. Since those zeds don't ever stop coming, no environment is safe, and you may have to shoot them underwater.

Will your Glock work? Will it cycle? Let's find out.

Gear Pr0n: Triple Threat

Our friend with this rig is covering all his bases. There's room for AR mags, extended pistol mags, and a slew of shotgun rounds. Plus, he has a CamelBak for hydration and some spare pouches for other essentials. I wonder what kind of weapons he's running, because it get heavy carrying two long arms and a pistol.

Friday, March 11, 2011

Is there a doctor in the House?

A great, surreal moment from a great television show. Mama Mudskipper loves House, and now I do too.

Who Will Be Eaten First?

I was hanging out at the local Gutbuster's Burger Joint when a shady character who smelled like rotting fish slid over towards me.

I admit, my hand edged toward the butt of my Glock 19, but he seemed pretty friendly. Although he was a little green around the gills.

Anyway, he shook my hand and, after I wiped some of the dampness off me, he handed me this pamphlet and asked me if I'd heard the news. I assumed I was going to get the typical Jesus Speech. This guy looked like he was a recovering junky and had traded his Smack addiction for a religious addiction.

Nope. Instead, he started telling me about Cthulhu and the Great Old Ones and how the star are lining up for the end times.

I thanked him politely and started cleaning up my Gutbusters trash. He wouldn't give up though, even after I told him I was a "Reform Druid." He didn't even let up when I tried to explain that meant I worship bushes as well as trees.
Weirdos. Still, I might have to research this a little further. Especially that Necronomicon.

Look What the UPS Driver Brought Me!

Thanks... But I've already got plenty.

That Guy

Because we often focus on how much fun it's going to be come Z-Day, we sometimes gloss over the fact it's going to be pretty stressful to deal with all the fallout from the dead rising from their graves.
So let me sum up all the possible advice I could give you into this little gem: "Don't be That Guy." You know who I mean. This guy, who seems a little too peppy about Reload Week

Don't be "Him."

Floating Humanoids Part 3

Part 3 in the saga of the Unidentified Floating Humanoids: