Loch Ness Monster

Here's a trophy to hang on your wall.

Found Footage 2

Recovered footage demonstrating zombie killing technique.

The Krampus?

As if I thought we hadn't seen enouogh weirdness out of Europe in the form of strange Cryptids.

Austrian children have been living in fear of the Krampus, a strangely annual beast, for centuries. These shaggy beasts live in the Austrian Alps and coordinate with Santa Claus in order to punish -- even feast upon! -- those kids ending up on the infamous Naughty List.

Here's the legend:

But here's the really strange thing. Once a year, these intelligent beasts come down from their mountain fastness and parade through the streets in order to scare the beejeezus out of the local tykes and put them back in line!

Proof of the Krampus:

It looks like there are different varieties of Krampus. Or maybe this clan of Krampus simply do more body grooming:

What do you think? Shotguns with slugs for these?

The Boomstick

There is nothing more satisfying than nailing zombies with the awesomely powerful 12 gauge shotgun.

But it still takes training to make the shotgun the ultimate weapon against revenants.

Fortunately, Magpul has addressed your shotgun training needs too.

Time to transition to your pistol

So we've seen Magpul's ads for their tactical carbine course, but they do the same for the pistol, and let's face it, they will come a time when you need to go for your pistol.

So it pays to be prepared to use it correctly.

But if you're relying on your pistol to get out of a tight situation with the Hungry Undead, I advise you save the last round for yourself.

Make the Most of Your Carbine

Magpul Dynamics has released several sets of "How to Shoot Guns Real Good" instructional DVDs.

There are two sets of Tactical Carbine DVDs, in which the instructors provide quality info about running your M4gery at peak efficiency.



I know, you think it won't really matter during Zombiggeddon how tacticool your movement, reload, and immediate action drills are. The Walkers aren't going to be doing coordinated movement. That's just half the picture. You need to be on your game in case "fellow" survivors decide the apocalypse means they can throw all the rules of civilization out the window. Not everyone is going to want to play nice with you, Zombie Hunter. That's who these drills are really for.

But you'll also find that proper movement speeds up the kills against the Shambling Hordes too. And really your warm-blooded speed is the most important asset you have against a steady tide of the Undead. Kill them all before they can get to you.

Cleaning & Maintenance of your AR15 Rifle

Your AR15 rfile or carbine is your basic zombie killing workhorse. If you treat it correctly, it will serve you faithfully through zombiggeddon. So before we start looking at AR15 handling techniques, we need to understand how to care and feed your baby.

Part 1

Part 2

And Part 3

Keep it clean and wet, boys and girls!

Holiday Specific Advice on Dealing with the Undead

More vintage advice, but this is still all too timely.

Found Footage: Home Invader

It's said that some zombies will continue to ape habitual actions from their past lives. For example, stories of zombies trying to make coffee are not uncommon. But this found footage is even more eerie:

British Civil Defense Film readies populace for Zombie Invasion

Another old Civil Defense film on preparing for zombie outbreaks.

You'd Better Not Pout. You'd Better Not Cry...

Recently leaked films from a Finnish export firm show the truth behind Santa Claus. It isn't pretty, and if you're under the age of 12, I strongly advise you to tune out now.

This old and revered business, Rare Exports Inc., has been engaged in the grey market trade of shipping actual "Father Christmases" world-wide since 1739. Or... so they claim.

The first film appears to be a sales film, showing how Lapp hunters track and bring down a free range Father Christmas before training the beast to deal with children in an appropriate manner.

The second film, however, demonstrates the dangers of improper care and handling of the purchased Father Christmas.

Add one more dangerous, supernatural beast to your hunting list. And as an aside: What is going on in Scandinavia? Lately we've learned of trolls in Norway, and now "Father Christmas" cryptids running loose in Finland. What's next, dragons?

Apparel

Look, you can't go hunting zombies in your birthday suit. Personally, I recommend motorcycle racing leathers as outerwear for hunting because of the durability. But you needs something a little more comfortable next to your delicate skin.


So, some T-shirts for your base layer, or for lounging around your bunker:

Major League Zombie Hunter T-Shirt, available from Zazzle along with an assortment of related designs.

Also cool is the new Doomsday Damsel licensed from Bawidamann by 7.62Designs

I'm sure she looks familiar to our regular readers. You can bet Flint and I already have our T-Shirts and proudly wear them as often as possible between washes.

Caught on Film in Louisiana

This unexplained image recently started making the rounds on the Internet. One of my sources tracked its origin to the Wildgame Innovations Facebook page. (Don't ask how I work my magic; a good magician never reveals his secrets.)

The photo created enough of a stir to make it onto a Louisiana television morning news show.

Now, for some reason, these ladies are skeptical. But it bears a striking resemblance to other footage floating around the internet.

So, what are these things? Zombies? Maybe, but they look different to me. Aliens? I doubt it. Why would aliens cross vast interstellar distances to wander around our backwoods naked? Ghouls? More likely.

But whatever they are... I bet I can kill them with fire.

There's more things to worry about out there...

Oh sure, if you're like me and Flint, you spend every spare moment worrying about the coming Zombigeddon and making sure you're prepared for it.

But we need to consider that the walking dead are not the only possible threat we face. One group of intrepid documentarians in Norway recently released their hard-earned footage of a threat unique to their environment: Trolls.

Folks, I don't know about you, but this concerns me. I don't think the manportable firepower I cache against the unholy resurrection of the corpses of my friends, relatives, and fellow citizens would even begin to dent one of those monstrosities. What do I need to stash? An RPG? A recoilless rifle? LAW rockets?

Sharpen Yer Aim!

Tactical Tailor has a set of three different zombie themed targets for you to practice your firearm skills. Remember, only head shots count!

Check out all the great tactical gear available at that website too! You need something to haul all your food, ammo, water and medical supplies.

Zombie Awareness -- An Educational Film

Remember those awesome instructional films you saw in Hygiene class or Driver's Ed? You ever wonder why they don't have films like that on really important topics, like zombie survival? Guess what? They do have them!

Zombie Awareness -- An Educational Film

When Zombies Attack (1959)

What to do in a Zombie Attack!

Zombie Safe Houses

A tip of the hat to the Science Fiction blog, io9, for informing us about the 2010 Architect Southwest Zombie Safe House Design Competition. Unfortunately, that informing came too late for Flint to enter the designs he's been doodling on the napkins on Sunday mornings when we get our coffee and eggs at the diner. (He has a thing for this hot Latina chica.)

You can go to the Zombie Safe House link and vote if you hurry. We dig the Huckleberry (hint hint).

Mythbusting 101: The Utility of Martial Arts

A well-meaning -- but obviously naive -- young friend of mine wears a t-shirt with the logo "Jiu-Jitsu Kills Zombies."

This is dangerously wrong and will get you killed.

Jiu-jitsu is an awesome martial art against mortal opponents, but there is nothing in the arsenal that will handle the Undead menace. Zombies do not feel pain. They do not need air. And they will still keep coming after you on shattered joints.

Worst of all, Jiu-Jitsu requires the expert to close with and grapple the zombie. This is exactly where the zombie wants you: close, where his teeth and claws can do their damage. And let's not forget that this will mean prolonged exposure to the zombie's bodily fluids, which may infect you. We certainly shouldn't forget that getting caught on the ground with a zombie is a recipe for disaster when his friends stumble onto the scene.

I was trapped in a bar once by some dork who talked my ear off about how his Ninjutsu was awesome and most certainly zombie proof. Please. Ninjutsu? This isn't Naruto, you mouth-breather. Smoke bombs and hiding in the trees isn't going to help you one bit against zombies. Although I admit all bets are off if ninjas face off against zombie pirates.

Ninjas may be able to hug tree limbs for hours, but time means nothing to the Undead. They'll just mill about the roots of the tree until your mom calls you home for dinner. And what ninja doesn't still live in his mom's basement?

So what martial art does work against the walking dead? Have you seen the Filipino Martial Arts? Variously called escrima, arnis, or kali, Filipino Martial Arts start the new student using two foot long sticks. But those sticks are representations of -- and soon replaced by -- giant jungle knives! You'll quickly learn moves that will help you lop off limbs, eviscerate corpses so they trip over their own guts, and stop 'em cold with decapitations or bisected brains.

Going hand-to-hand with the shambling hordes is unwise. Wrestling around with them is suicidal. Unless you're Chuck Norris, I strongly advise you to use weapons and learn to use them correctly.

Basic Necessities: The MForgery

Gil Mudskipper checking in with y'all again.

It occurred to Flint and me that we hadn't really said this: You need a rifle. And you need a good rifle.

So we both heartily recommend an MForgery. That's right, you should get some make of the AR15 carbine. This is the same weapon that has soldiered with our finest fighting forces since Vietnam. And today, you can custom build a Black Rifle in countless combinations.

Parts are everywhere. And although ammo is a little expensive since the government is using it up at a prodigious rate killing terrorists on your behalf overseas, I expect that .223 and 5.56mm ammo will be relatively easy to come by in the aftermath of the rise of the walking dead. It's in use with just about every police department and federal law enforcement or military service around.

Same for spare parts. These things should be practically littering the streets following the first attempts of the government to stem the rising tide of brain-eaters.

You should try to stockpile some key spares in advance, like firing pins and extra magazines. Like the spiffy PMAGS from Magpul. Sweet. Investing in optics can't hurt either. Remember, it's a lot easier to score head shots in video games than real life. Putting the red dot over the shambler's forehead makes it easy for you to be sure.

You just need to keep your rifle clean after every use and it will serve you reliably.

Some people will advocate for the AK47. That's a mighty fine weapon too. But it was made by communists, son. And the only thing worse than a communist is a zombie. And only by a little. After all, both are godless beings.

Still, beggars can't be choosers, and if your budget or circumstances only permit you to have an AK47, there are worse things. After all, it's not the AK47's fault it was designed by an atheist communist. It -- like you, zombie hunter -- is merely a blunt instrument.

Simulation Training

You can use the "Organ Trail" training simulator to enhance your Zombie Survival skills.

Based on the ancient, but immensely popular, "Oregon Trail" game.

Zombie Hunting 101

Some tips for beginning your zombie hunting career from your friends at US Cavalry.

Your Modern-day Mule

Okay, everyone wants to talk about how their going to re-kill reanimated corpses after Z-Day.

A few want to discuss armor to protect you against their skeletal claws and rabid bites. And some may broach the topic of survival rations or medical care.

Amateurs.

None of that means jack-all if you can't be mobile. Because sooner or later you are going to have to resupply. For that, you need something that can take you where you need to go, something that can haul your food, ammo, bandages, and porno magazines back to your fortress of solitude, and something reliable enough to keep going no matter what you hit it with -- or how many undead you hit with it.

You need a Toyota pickup truck -- specifically the Hilux, or the North American equivalent, the Toyota Tacoma.

This is the vehicle of choice of insurgent armies in your finer Third World countries. It's been called the AK-47 of the automotive world. I like to think of it as the perfect zombie truck, because it just doesn't die. Don't believe me? The blokes at the BBC's hit show Top Gear did everything they could think of to kill a Hilux, and it just kept running. It was no shock this was the vehicle they chose to drive to the North Pole.

This thing is so tough, you could probably repair it with the Cold Steel Trench Hawk below!

I know you're probably asking yourself, "What about gas?" Well, as Mad Max can attest, that is a problem and I don't have a great answer for you. Stockpiling gas is problematic. And I expect that access to gasoline is likely to be a prime cause of friction among the human survivors of Z-Day. I'll keep researching the issue and get back to you in a future article.

The Cold Steel Trench Hawk -- Meet Your Lobotomizer!

Gill Mudskipper here! We all know there are times when things get a little up-close and personal with the undead. For that kind of work, you need something tough, reliable, heavy, and pointy. You need a Cold Steel Trench Hawk.

This is an item practically custom made for Zombie Killing. Like traditional tomahawks, it's a two piece construction. There's a steel head, which is attached to a polypropylene shaft, making for a 19-inch long tool. That's a little too close for comfort with the undead -- but on the bright side, it usually only takes one good swipe from this badass to put a deadhead done for the count.

You can use the axe head for utility work and monster slaying. But the bonus is the spikey part on the back -- perfect for penetrating the putrid, over-ripe skulls of the walking dead!

The nice thing about the polypropylene handle is that it is easy to wash after use. Zombie scuzz won't linger in the nooks and crannies like it might with a wood shaft. When you get back to your sanctuary, you can easily disassemble the hawk and disinfect every part.

The Trench Hawk comes with a cool thermoplastic sheath. Again, this is a great safety feature for the Zombie Hunter. You can return the hawk to the sheath after use and the danger of accidentally being nicked by an edge and infecting yourself is reduced. On the other hand, you need to practice to bring the weapon into action quickly. If you need this -- you need it right away!

Need more info? Check out this guy.